


Because they took our love and they filled it up, filled it up with Novacaine and now I'm just numb

by being_a_fangirl



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fall Out Boy Lyrics, M/M, and i've never written smut before so i kind of cheaped out at the end, and threw harry and louis into it, but i think it is, even though its taken me so long to finish it, okay so this is supposed to be very loosely based off of fall out boy, so really i've only used fall out boys name and songs, wow im not making this sound good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-03-23 04:28:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3754582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/being_a_fangirl/pseuds/being_a_fangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Did any of you ever get to the point where it was too much to handle and you just wanted out?” They all shift in their seat, waiting for one of the boys to field this question, hoping they won’t have to be the one to do it.</i>
  <br/>
  <i>“I think,” Liam begins, “that if you don’t want out at least once when you’re in the spotlight like we are, then you’re superhuman.”</i>
</p><p> </p><p>Or, a story that's loosely based off of a combination of fall out boy and one direction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Kids Aren't Alright

**Author's Note:**

  * For [midnightwhistleberries](https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightwhistleberries/gifts).



> Alright so I had this huge idea about how I wanted this written and it was going to be spectacular but then life got in the way of writing this and I feel like I left out a lot that I wanted to include. The major story is there but I wanted to write more about their performances but alas, I didn't.
> 
> I might come back and write some timestamps about those performances. We'll see.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you like this and I really hope it doesn't disappoint.

_And in the end_  
_I'd do it all again._  
_I think you're my best friend._  
_Don't you know that the kids aren't al—, kids aren't alright?_  
_The Kids Aren't Alright - Fall Out Boy_  


**May 2016**  
The room they are being ushered into holds only one camera, a couch, and a chair for the interviewer to sit on, which is a welcome contrast to the set-ups they’ve gotten used to over the past four or so years. The interviewer’s already situated in the room on her chair, smiling to each of the boys as they file in and take a seat on the couch.  
  
“Hello boys, my name is Julie.” She says, sticking her hand out for each of them to shake. “The cameras should be up and ready to go in a couple minutes”  
  
Harry takes his seat in between Louis and Liam on the couch and rests his arm around Louis. He can see him heave a happy sigh out of the corner of his eyes so he leans in brushes his lips over his artfully messy hair before the interview begins.  
  
The interviewer gives them both a small smile before shuffling her cue cards and straightening her back. The cameras turn on and she introduces herself again before asking the boys to say a quick hello.  
  
“Alright, so I’m going to begin with the hard hitting questions, I hope that’s okay?” Julie asks, waiting for the boys to nod, “Good. So, as we’ve all been keeping up with over the past year or so, Fall Out Boy have gone through a lot within their first years as a band. We all know what has been fed to us through media training and press conferences, but I want the tell all.”  
  
Harry smiles calmly at Julie. They all know what they are here for – to explain the huge changes that have taken place – and they also know that no matter how much they tell she’ll still never be allowed to know the full story.  
  
“My first question to all of you is how all of this came to be? How did Fall Out Boy become the sensation that it is, and why did you guys even decide what to do when you were all, what, sixteen years of age?” Julie leans forward, getting ready for their answers.

 **November 2009**  
“Morning Jay, is Louis up yet?” Harry asks as Louis’ mom opens to door to let him in. It was Monday morning and they had about 15 minutes to get to school or else they would be late.  
  
“I knocked on his door about 20 minutes ago to wake him up but I’m not sure. Knowing him he’s just going to skip again.” Jay sighs, rolling her eyes a bit. Harry could tell she was a little bit tense and distracted. With as many kids as Jay had running around the house it was easy for Harry to understand that it could get a bit overwhelming, especially for one woman to handle.  
  
“I’ll just go up and get him then, if that’s okay?” At Jay’s nod, Harry kicks off his shoes and takes the steps two at a time to get up to Louis’ bedroom. After softly knocking on the door, Harry lets himself in.  
  
The blinds are pulled closed so the room is dark, the only light coming from the muted sun behind the blinds. Harry could see a little Louis-shaped lump on the bed, his caramel coloured hair sticking out from under the covers.  
  
“Hey baby. Not going to school today?” Harry asks as he sits on the side of the bed, rubbing his hand up and down where he assumes Louis’ back is.  
  
The thing is, this isn’t an uncommon occurrence. Louis has long since admitted to Harry that he lives with depression, but he absolutely refuses to tell his family or get any sort of help for it. It wasn’t Harry’s place to force him to do anything, so he just makes sure he's always there when he needs it.  
  
“Just can’t seem to get up today.” Mumbles Louis, burrowing deeper inside his blanket cocoon.  
  
“Do you want me to stay with you?” He knows he has a quiz today in his math class but if Louis ever says he needs him, Harry will make damn sure he’s there.  
  
“No, I just kind of want to sleep. I’ll see you at band practice though.”  
  
Leaning down, Harry places a kiss on the little bit of head and hair that’s peaking out of the blankets and mumbles an okay, quietly letting himself out.  
  
School is incredibly awful, at least more awful than usual, without Louis’ usual commentary throughout the day. The only thing that helps to slightly raise Harry’s mood is the fact that he has his English class with Niall.  
  
Niall is new to the school, and Harry doesn’t know him very well, but they just seemed to get on from the word go. Harry had walked into class one day and there was this bright, blonde, ball of sunshine sitting in the desk next to his just about jumping in his seat.  
  
“Like your shirt mate,” he had said as Harry sat down, looking at his wrinkled Metallica band tee.  
  
“Thanks, I’ve actually just finished learning One on guitar. Almost wanted to throw my guitar out the window, but it was worth it.” Harry had said, pulling his binders and pencils from his bag.  
  
“You play? Me too. We should jam sometime.”  
  
And that’s how it happened.  
  
After meeting Niall, Harry had been introduced to Liam and Zayn, and then Louis was brought into their little rag-tag group to form what they now call “Fall Out Boy”. It wasn’t much, but it was an outlet for each of them.  
  
“Hey Harry, is Louis not here today?” Niall asks, falling into his usual seat beside Harry, successfully pulling him from his thoughts.  
“Nah, wasn’t feeling too well. He’ll be there for practice though.”  
  
“Sick, mate. I’ve had this little melody stuck in my head all week and I was thinking we could put it into a song tonight. Either that or I’m going to go fucking crazy thinking about it.” Niall continues to use his pencil to drum a beat against his desk even as the class starts to quiet down.  
  
“I’m game for anything.” The teacher then motions for everyone to be silent, and there aren’t many opportunities to talk after that.  
***  
  
“I’m just so frustrated, you know?” Liam sighs for the hundredth time that night. Apparently this girl Danielle he’s wanted to date since last year is dating his close friend Andy Samuels just to make him jealous.  
  
“You can’t know she’s doing it to just make you jealous, mate, stop over reacting.” Louis grabs his bass and begins to plug it in, clearly hoping to move off of the topic. Once Liam starts on his lovesick rants it’s incredibly hard to get him to stop.  
  
Liam just glares at Louis. The two of them have been butting heads since the band first got together. Harry can see that they both have very similar personalities, but each is too damn stubborn to recognize it.  
  
“Well Niall said he’s had a tune in his head all day for a new song, we could write about it if that would make you feel better?” Patting Liam’s thigh to placate him, Harry looks at Louis and shrugs. He’ll probably get an earful from his boyfriend later, but that’s just the way the cookie crumbles he guesses.  
  
Just then Niall begins playing a couple notes on his guitar. It has a really nice ring to it, kind of like a lead up to the beginning of the song, and instantly all of them become more interested in the pad of paper and pen Harry had placed in the center of them earlier.  
“You said she was trying to make you jealous, right? Well what if you write a song about how unfazed you are about it? Basically, like, thanks for trying but I’m all right without you? That’d probably piss her off.” Zayn grabbed the paper and before anyone had realized it, they had a chorus, then the first verse, the second, then somehow a whole song.  
  
“We should record it next practice and put it on our demo. I have a friend who has a studio in his basement and he said we could record there and he’d charge us less than he usually would.” The boys are sitting around still in their circle from writing what Louis claims is called Sugar We’re Going Down and Liam can’t sit still. Maybe it’s the thought that Danielle will hear the song at one point or maybe it’s the fact that it was actually an incredibly decent song, if Harry could admit, that has the boy a bit hyper.  
  
“How much do you think he’s going to charge us?” Zayn asks, his cheeks turning a bit red. From what Harry had heard from school or from the other boys, Zayn didn’t have the wealthiest family. Not that any of them did, not by a long shot, but Harry noticed Zayn coming to school in the winter with mittens with holes in them, or band tees that were a little too tight around the shoulders.  
  
Harry would never say anything about it, but sometimes he’d claim that this shirt, or that scarf, didn’t fit him properly to make sure Zayn had some form of warmth.  
  
“It shouldn’t be too much split between the five of us. Anyway, my mom said if I passed math she’d help us pay for some of the recording and I spoke to Mrs. Thompson today and she said I have a C right now.” Harry shrugs, not wanting to bring attention to how hard he’s been working for his grades this year.  
  
“Harry, no way! Congrats!” The next thing Harry knew he had a lapful of an excited Louis.  
  
Harry and Louis have been dating for about a year now, but have been really close friends since they were about seven years old and Louis’ family moved in across the street from Harry. Louis knows Harry almost better than Harry knows himself and so he sees how important this is to him. He works really hard to just pass classes, he’s never really been able to grasp what teachers look for in schoolwork, and math has been his absolute worst subject.  
  
“Lou, stop, calm down,” Harry laughs as Louis nuzzles his face into Harry’s neck, “It’s only a C and I still have to pass the exam.”  
  
“Yeah but you’re passing and, like, if you ever need help we’re all here to help, right?” Liam pipes up from the side of the group. They all have smiles Harry can only describe as fond. Him and Louis are fairly adorable after all.  
  
“I know, thanks. Anyways though,” Harry says, moving Louis into a more comfortable position on his lap, “the point of that was my mom said she would help a bit. So that should bring each of our portions down a bit.”  
  
“Your mom is a legend, Haz. She can rock a housecoat too if we’re being honest.” Niall says, throwing Harry a wink.  
  
“Don’t be gross, Niall. Anne’s practically my mom too and I’m highly offended by your entire being.” Louis mimes gagging himself while Niall just shrugs.  
  
Harry wraps his arms around Louis’ waist and cuddles into him a bit more, letting the conversation drift around him. He likes this bit of band practice, where they just sit down and talk to each other. When they first got together they knew basically nothing about any of the other boys other than the instruments they played. Harry knew Niall was boisterous and played guitar; Liam was very detail oriented and played drums; Zayn had a love for art but still spent most of his time playing the bass or the piano; Louis loved playing guitar and piano, but Harry had already known that from their many years of jamming together.  
  
Harry himself only sang, but had been learning the guitar a bit more lately. He still wasn’t comfortable enough to play it during performances, but it wasn’t really an issue because he liked prancing around the stage and putting his whole self into the lyrics anyways.  
  
“Before we go home,” Liam begins as the other boys start yawning and the conversation dies down, “do you think we could get a video of the new song to post to our YouTube channel?”  
  
“I brought my camera in case we finished the song today, so yeah. I can post it when I get home.” Harry opens his bag to grab his crappy little digital camera. It isn’t much, but it gets the job done. He’s sure their 700 or so subscribers understand.  
  
They do a couple takes, trying to make sure the sound is about as perfect as the cheap camera will allow, but they get a version they deem as acceptable. Harry goes home that night, after saying goodbye to the boys and saying a rather thorough goodbye to Louis (Harry’s lips are still tingling), and posts it to their YouTube channel, not fully understanding how important that video will become.

 **March 2010**  
Harry runs from his house across the street to Louis’. He knows he’ll be asleep, but he doesn’t quite care at the moment. His heart is beating rapidly and he can’t get his hands to stop shaking. He knocks quickly on the door and waits for Jay to answer the door.  
  
“Good morning, Jay.” Harry jumps quickly into the open door and gives her a swift kiss on the cheek before running up the stairs.  
  
“Louis, please wake up.” The room is dark as expected, but at Harry’s voice Louis begins to stir, “Louis. Louis. Louis. Hi, wake up please. I have really lovely news and everyone else is sleeping.”  
  
“What the fuck time is it?” Louis mumbles, clearly not sensing the urgency in Harry’s voice.  
  
“Just past 8,” Harry waves his hand to show how unimportant that fact is, “but Louis, we’ve hit 500 thousand views.”  
  
Louis pops his head up out of the covers and Harry can’t help the grin that’s been on his face since he woke up to grow even larger. The video they had recorded for Sugar We’re Going Down had gotten a lot of attention that just seemed to continue to rise. They had made some extra cash from that video, since YouTube had asked to put ads on their channel, which they were able to put toward their recording process.  
  
“No fucking way,” Louis squeals, in what he would only later describe as manly, and jumps straight out of bed onto Harry. Neither of them even care that Louis hasn’t brushed his teeth yet and meet each other in a kiss that is more teeth than anything because of the smiles that have taken permanent residence on their faces.  
  
Louis wraps his arms around Harry’s neck and suddenly Harry feels like the sweater he’s wearing is far too thick. He can feel a blush spreading down his neck as the two continue kissing, the smiles gone from their cheeks. Louis tilts his head to deepen the kiss and begins playing with the curls at the base of Harry’s neck, wrapping the little springy bits around his fingers and tugging.  
  
Pushing Louis a bit to back him up into the desk at the side of the room, Harry wraps his arms tighter around his back, pushing his hands under the thin t-shirt Louis wore to bed.  
  
“Boys!” Jay yells from downstairs, startling the two apart, “Breakfast is here if you want any!”  
  
The two look at each other and let out a couple quiet laughs. Harry almost wants to yell to Jay that they won’t have any breakfast because looking at Louis, seeing his flushed cheeks and bedhead, Harry doesn’t want to leave this room until he gets his hands on every inch of him.  
  
“Be down in a sec, mum!” Louis yells back, stepping up to Harry to placate him with a quick peck to his lips.  
  
Wrapping his arms around Louis’ waist, Harry buries his face in Louis’ neck and the two of them sway there for a bit, trying to calm down from both the news of their newfound popularity and from their overactive teenage hormones.  
  
The other boys react to the news just like Harry and Louis did, although with a lot less kissing to Harry’s relief. At one point Niall had looked like he was going to give Harry a giant celebratory kiss on the lips, but Louis swooped in just in time to ruffle Niall’s hair and give him a not-so-subtle shove toward Liam and Zayn.  
  
“We should write a song to celebrate,” Niall huffs, out of breath but still beaming with excitement. “Anybody have heartbreaks happening, a new love, maybe a lost lover has come back to reclaim what they left behind?”  
  
“Mate you really need to stop watching the soap operas they replay after midnight,” Zayn says patting Niall on the head.  
  
“He has a point though. Let’s write a song we can dance to, I want to see Harry try and move those awkward limbs of his on stage,” Liam leans over the back of the couch and grabs a guitar, handing it over to Niall.  
  
“Hey, stop with your tings man at my boy,” Louis says, “Anyways, we all know he’ll just use a dance-y song to grind on the mic stand.”  
  
Harry pouts but he knows they aren’t wrong. There’s nothing shameful about a little sensuality as a lead singer, just look at Alex Turner, Mick Jagger, or even Elvis Presley with those rolling hips. Nobody is born a sex god – that kind of talent comes with practice.  
  
“You’re all just jealous of the fact that I’m going to be the favourite band member,” huffs Harry, grabbing a pencil and writing “Dance Dance” as a title.

 **May 2010**  
The bar is still relatively empty when the boys walk in carrying the first load of many from Liam’s dad’s van. The stage at the back of the room is illuminated by pale blue stage lights hanging overhead that, Harry thinks, will probably make him look even paler than usual. He isn’t too concerned though; hopefully people will be paying more attention to their music over the fact that he’ll look like a sickly vampire.  
  
He places the two guitars he’s holding at the back of the stage and walks back through the bar to head to the van for another load. Outside, Zayn is standing by the hood taking slow drags from his cigarette. Harry hates that Zayn has picked up the habit, but really he can’t do much about it. All of them are a bit nervous for the night and all of them have their own ways of coping.  
  
Zayn takes slow drags from his cigarettes, Niall drinks a couple pints, Liam turns into a manager/overlord until he’s sure everything’s perfect, Louis becomes a lot quieter than usual, and Harry, well, he tends to cling to Louis. Like, Cling with a capital C.  
  
“Lou, do you want me to carry that? There’s not much left.” The back of the van is basically empty after Liam’s already done about four loads on his excess energy. Louis looks a bit tired tonight with slight bags under his eyes and a slowness to his movements only Harry’s truly be able to notice.  
  
“No, it’s alright. I’ll just carry this in and get something to drink, I think.” Louis’ shoulders are a bit slumped and Harry really just won’t take that for an answer.  
  
“No, seriously, let me please?” Harry reaches out and grabs the handle of the amp Louis’ carrying. The corner of Louis’ lips creep up a bit and he lets go of the amp to give it to Harry.  
  
“I’ll just have to buy you a drink then when you’re done,” Louis says, leaning up to press a kiss on Harry’s cheek.  
  
“I’ll make sure of it,” Harry calls to Louis’ retreating figure and grips the handle a bit firmer before following him into the bar.  
  
Louis hates being coddled unless it’s Harry doing it. He still hasn’t really told the boys about his anxiety or depression, but once again, it’s not Harry’s decision to make on who to tell and when to tell. He’s been having a bit of a slump these past couple days, missing a couple band practices even, but Harry’s pretty sure this performance will help him release whatever bad thoughts and feelings he’s been having.  
  
And, if the performance alone doesn’t help, Harry will make sure to make a fool of himself up on stage to get a couple smiles from his boy.  
  
Harry makes sure to help Liam set up their amps, guitars, drums, and any other essential equipment on stage before he heads to where Louis is sitting at the side of the room with two pints in front of him.  
  
“Come here often, hot stuff?” Harry leans against the table and pops out his hip.  
  
“Harry, sometimes I wonder how you managed to be cool enough for me to start dating you,” Louis huffs out a slight laugh and shakes his head, smiling.  
  
“Babe I’ve never been cool, you just couldn’t resist the curls.”  
  
Harry takes the seat across from Louis and can feel all of the nerves leave him at the sight in front of him. Somehow the pale blue lights from the stage only enhance how beautiful Louis truly is. His eyelashes cast a shadow on his sharp cheekbones, making him look almost ethereal.  
  
“Stop staring, you’re being creepy,” Louis laughs, leaning on the table and resting his chin in the palm of his hand.  
  
“I can’t help it, you’re just so pretty.” Harry feels a small smile take over his face, his dimples popping out on his cheeks.  
  
“You two are being grossly in love when you should really be over here drinking pints with us before we go on stage!” Niall yells from across the bar, breaking the two out of their little trance.  
  
The bar has filled up quite a bit from when they first got there, so a few people turn to look in their direction after Niall’s obnoxious yelling. Both of their cheeks redden a bit, a little embarrassed but mostly pleased at being called out at how adorable they are together.  
  
“We should probably go join the boys,” Harry says, turning back to look at Louis, “or I think Niall might go out of his mind with nerves.”  
  
The bar continues to fill, to the point where the boys are all squished together at one end of the bar, trying to fit the five of them on three stools. Their initial nerves are still there, but the adrenaline rush of knowing they’re about to go on stage is beginning to take over.  
By the time they’re called to take the stage Harry feels like he isn’t even really attached to his own body. He’s done plenty of gigs at school and even small bars; but nothing compared to the size of this bar. Even though he knows almost everyone in here, only a couple new faces dotted among the crowd, it’s still an accomplishment knowing they’re playing here.  
  
“Good evening everyone,” Harry smiles out to the audience, letting his dimples pop out, “I hope you’re all ready for a fun night. We’re Fall Out Boy and this first song is called Dance Dance.”

 **September 2010**  
“I’m not sure about your fringe,” Louis says, reaching a hand over and carding his fingers through Harry’s hair, trying to tame the unruly curls.  
  
The boys have only just arrived at the impressive looking building and were waiting in the sitting area in front of some even more impressive looking offices. Each of them were holding their contracts with shaky and sweaty hands.  
  
A couple of months ago in June Harry had been looking through the band's incoming emails, checking to see if there were any replies to their constant attempts at getting gigs, when he saw one from the label Fueled By Ramen.  
  
From there it was meetings with producers and songwriters, contracts upon contracts needing to be signed, and an album needing to be written. It was so much of a whirlwind from the beginning that none of the boys had really been able to celebrate the fact that they had landed a record deal. Between juggling school, the band, and any other friends they had, it seemed like none of them had time to even breathe.  
  
“Mr. Cowell is ready to see you boys now,” the receptionists voice was piercing in the quiet causing the boys to startle, all scrambling to stand up and walk into the office.  
  
“Hello boys, really glad you could make it. I’ve actually managed to get Mr. Magee here to go over any last minute questions about your management contracts before we can move forward and sign it.” Simon Cowell’s room is very minimalist and slightly daunting. Harry’s hand itches to reach out and grab Louis’ but the two had both agreed earlier that they would need to find a way to separate their relationship from the band and Harry assumed grabbing his hand now would not help in any way.  
  
“So,” Mr. Magee begins as the boys all settle into their chairs, “Do any of you have any questions? I’ll take it that you’ve sat down with your lawyers and read through everything?”  
  
Mr. Magee had white hair and seemed to look older than he probably was. Something about him, whether it was his clearly practiced and fake smile, or the way his words fell flat and held no warmth, just seemed to rub Harry the wrong way.  
  
“Actually we do have a couple questions,” Louis says from beside Harry, “It says here under the image clause that, basically, you control our image so like, our dating, our sexualities, who we’re friends with and stuff.”  
  
Mr. Magee nods and shuffles in his chair, clearly bored with the conversation already.  
  
“Okay well, we’ve already told you that me and Harry are in a relationship so we want to know where everything stands in regards to that before we sign anything.” Harry has never heard Louis speak so proper and seem so businesslike. If it wouldn’t be completely inappropriate Harry would have found it a little hot.  
  
“This is something we were hoping to discuss once you’ve signed the contracts and gotten settled in with our company,” the man sighs, eyes glancing to look up at the clock on the wall.  
  
“We understand that,” Louis huffs, “but we want to make sure we understand what’s going to happen before we sign.”  
  
“We’ve had a couple ideas circulating. Obviously having a gay and unavailable lead singer is going to be a setback. You are all attractive young men and we are hoping to use that to our advantage with the female audience,” Harry cringes at Magee’s harsh tone, “so our best options would be to either hide the relationship completely or to present it as though you are both very private people.”  
  
Harry and Louis look at each other. They are both a little pale and a bit nervous. They couldn’t not sign the contract, as there are three other boys who were involved, but they don’t want to be made into something they aren’t.  
  
“I was in the closet once, and I don’t plan on going back. Just to let you know that that option is out of the running before I sign. I’m gay and proud of it – do with that information what you will.” Harry spoke up.  
  
“I understand that it must be hard Mr. Styles,” Magee begins, almost eliciting an eye roll from Harry, “but being an openly gay performer is even harder. You have to look at where and who your demographic is.”  
  
“Look, if people won’t listen to our music just because two of the band members are gay then I don’t want them to listen to our music anyway. I won’t sign the contract if all you’re going to do is put me back in the closet.”  
  
Harry’s cheeks fill with colour from his little outburst, but before he can begin to regret his ultimatum, the other boys all agree.  
  
“I don’t want to sign anything that will make any of the boys uncomfortable. So, like,” Zayn says, lifting his shoulders up in a little shrug.  
  
“Okay, look, I’m sure we can figure something out once you’re with our company,” Magee runs a frustrated hand through his white hair, “we won’t put you ‘back in the closet’ if you don’t want to, but I can’t guarantee you’ll be able to flaunt your relationship. Not only would it be unprofessional but also in my opinion it’s not good for business and that’s all I care about.”  
  
Simon quickly took leadership in the meeting after that, and with unease in his stomach Harry signed the contract.

 **May 2016**  
“We actually just kind of met in our classes and it escalated from there.” Niall says, bringing Harry out of his memories.  
  
“Yeah, I think it was Harry and Niall who met first?” Liam leans forward to look at Harry for confirmation, a crease in between his eyebrows.  
  
“I’m offended that you would even say that Liam,” Louis chimes in, “I clearly knew Harry before all of you.”  
  
“Boys, you can all fight over me later,” Harry pats Louis’ thigh and leans back to look at the interviewer again, “To answer your question we just kind of fell together. A rag-tag group of boys who had absolutely no idea what we were doing at 16.”  
  
“That must have been difficult. Did you truly know what you were signing away when you signed your first contract?” They had been coached for this answer, and really they aren’t allowed to give much information on what happened, but God, does Harry want to drag Mr. Magee.  
  
“Harry and I had some idea,” Louis starts, “We asked what options we had when dealing with our relationship, but obviously since we hadn’t worked with them yet they couldn’t give us a full answer.”  
  
“We didn’t really have control over our image and our band, but we’ve signed other contracts with other companies and we’re excited that we’ve already been able to share our new music with you.” Harry says, trying to placate the interviewer.  
  
“Ah, yes. The boy’s new album, Save Rock and Roll, has been out for about a year now. We’re going to take a short break to show you their video for their second single, Phoenix.” The interviewer smiles at the camera one last time before they turn off for their quick five-minute break.


	2. Where Did the Party Go?

_I know I expect too much_  
_And not enough all at once_  
_You know I only wanted fun then you got me all fucked up on love_  
_Where did the party go - Fall Out Boy_

 **May 2016**  
“That was Fall Out Boy with their new single Phoenix,” the interviewer says, “Now boys. We used to see you all going to parties and clubs but you seem to have settled down a bit. What changed?”  
  
“Six years in the music industry’ll do that to ya,” Niall laughs, “But really we’re all around 22 now and it may not seem like we’re very old or mature but that long in the spotlight does change things.”  
  
“Did any of you ever get to the point where it was too much to handle and you just wanted out?” They all shift in their seat, waiting for one of the boys to field this question, hoping they won’t have to be the one to do it.  
  
“I think,” Liam begins, “that if you don’t want out at least once when you’re in the spotlight like we are, then you’re superhuman.” 

**January 2012**  
Harry wakes up with a pounding in his head and a sweaty body plastered to his back. Last night they had all headed into one of the crewmember’s rooms to drink a bit after the show but Harry doesn’t remember much after that. It’s not much of a surprise though, because this happens almost every night.  
  
Sleep  
Perform  
Drink  
Repeat  
  
That’s how their days go. Sleep. Perform. Drink. Repeat. And it isn’t that Harry dislikes partying and performing; it’s just that he sleeps to try and get rid of the pain of drinking and drinks to get rid of the stress of performing. It’s a vicious cycle.  
  
It’s been just under two years since they all signed their contracts and got their record deal. It’s kind of funny, Harry thinks, how it all flew by so fast but also dragged on so slowly. Sometimes it feels like it’s only been five minutes since that day in Simon’s office but sometimes it feels like he’s been doing the same cycle of sleep, perform, drink, repeat for ten years.  
  
After that meeting their popularity grew exponentially. At one moment the five of them were writing their third song ‘A Little Less Sixteen Candles A Little More Touch Me’ in the music room at their school and the next they were finishing their album, From Under the Cork Tree, in an actual recording studio. They had actual _fans_ , fans that waited patiently for them to release their first album.  
  
Everything was incredible, _is_ incredible. Their album debuted within the top 20 and had eventually risen to number one. They planned their first tour. They made more money than they thought they ever would in their life. All from their first album.  
  
But it was so hard to completely enjoy the newfound fame and popularity when everything was also kind of shit. Once they had signed the contracts they learned that they weren’t really in control of their lives. Like at all.  
  
Harry and Louis were allowed to let the fans know they were dating, but that was about it. They weren’t allowed to interact on stage, they weren’t allowed to post pictures of them together, and they were to try _at all costs_ to not be seen in public together.  
  
Because they like to have a “private” relationship.  
  
Any time they were able to spend together was narrowed down to the moments between the parties and when they woke up the next morning. Every other aspect of their lives was filled with people. People to make sure you look good, people to make sure you were on time, people to remind you that you weren’t supposed to do that and “can you please take a picture of this and post it? We have a contract with them.”  
  
So, somehow, Harry had managed to wind up in a partial closet. He was out, but not allowed to be proud. What a shit way to live.  
  
Harry looks at the clock and sees that it’s only 8:30 in the morning. They still have a couple hours before they even need to think about being anywhere and although he’s running off minimal sleep, all Harry wants to do is stay awake and bask in the few hours him and Louis have together.  
  
“I can feel you thinking from here, please stop it’s too early,” Louis mumbles from where he’s stuck to Harry’s back.  
  
Harry rolls over to face Louis and buries his face in the crook of his neck, inhaling deeply. There aren’t many smells in the world that can comfort him like Louis’ natural smell can. Harry can’t even begin to explain what it’s like, only that as soon as he’s able to just breathe it in, he feels like he’s home.  
  
“You’re cuddly this morning,” Louis presses a small kiss to the top of Harry’s head, “how are you feeling?”  
  
“Kind of like death.” The sun coming in from the window in their hotel room is warming Harry’s back and making him feel a bit more alive, but Harry isn’t going to tell Louis that in case he stops running his hand through his curls and down his back.  
  
The two of continue to lie there, soaking in the quiet morning and each other’s company, until they hear a soft knock on the door.  
  
“That’ll be Liam, I think. I forgot I told him I’d go to the gym with him today,” Harry says, grudgingly pulling himself out of bed and toward the door. Louis whines from his spot under the covers and pulls the blankets even higher.  
  
“Morning,” Harry pulls the door open to see an already very awake Liam, “Sorry I slept in, I’ll meet you down there in like 10 minutes.”  
  
Liam agrees and leaves with a nod. Turning around, Harry sees Louis had sat up a bit against the pillows and is now (adorably) rubbing his eyes.  
  
“I thought we were going to be able to have a bit of a lie-in today? Cuddle? Have sex? Watch TV?” Harry walks over to his suitcase and grabs his gym shorts and tank top.  
  
“I know, but like, Liam said he’d help me train a bit so I won’t be such a lanky git so like,” he shrugs his shoulders and heads into the bathroom to brush his teeth, bringing his clothes with him.  
  
“Why can’t you do that in between sound check and the concert?” Louis asks, following Harry into the bathroom and hopping up onto the counter to sit.  
  
“I don’t know babe, Liam wants to go now so I’m going,” Harrys words are muffled from his toothbrush but Louis understands it all the same.  
  
“But I want you to stay,” Louis pouts, running his hand through the curls on the back of Harry’s neck.  
  
And that small motion, that small act of affection, almost makes Harry stay. Almost makes him burrow himself under the covers again and refuse to leave until they have cuddled and orgasmed to their hearts content. Almost.  
  
Harry spits his toothpaste into the sink and rinses his mouth out before facing Louis again, “Baby I know. I want to stay too. Why don’t you come to the gym with us?”  
  
Louis scoffs and just raises his eyebrow.  
  
“Or, how about I promise we can go out for dinner the next day we get off. I think we get one this week and we can find somewhere quiet to go out together.” Harry grabs Louis’ hips and fits himself into the V of his legs.  
  
“I can be persuaded to agree to that,” Louis says, a little smirk playing around the corner of his lips.  
  
“Perfect. I promise I will do some persuading,” Harry can feel Louis’ pout when he leans in to give him a quick kiss, “but as it is I’m already late. I’ll see you in an hour or so.”  
  
Using all of his power, Harry moves himself from the little bubble they had created for themselves, grabs a water bottle from the mini fridge, and heads out the door to the hotel’s gym.  
***  
  
Louis spins around in a circle showing off his outfit for their date tonight. It’s not much, just a light blue button up shirt with some of his black fitted jeans, but it’s the nicest he’s dressed in a while. It’s also the first time they’ve been on a date in what seems like forever. It would be an understatement to say that they were both relieved they finally had the time together.  
  
They were downright ecstatic.  
  
“Arse is looking good as always, babe.” Harry winks and finishes buttoning up his own shirt. He’s wearing full black and Louis can’t stop ogling how long and lean his body looks.  
  
“Thank you, H. If this date goes well enough I may actually let you get a bit closer to my wonderful arse.” Throwing a cheeky smile over his shoulder, Louis grabs his wallet and their room key and waits for Harry to do the same so they can head out the door.  
  
Earlier they had made reservations at a little Italian restaurant. It looked quaint and family owned so their team hadn’t been too worried about letting the two of them go there. Even so, they still had a bodyguard walk with them and wait outside the restaurant while they ate.  
  
The two are seated at their table and are handed a couple menus. The room is small but it doesn’t look like anyone will notice who they are. There’s an elderly couple in the corner of their room, sipping on their red wine and smiling at each other with so much tenderness it’s hard not to smile while looking at them.  
  
Harry looks down at his and Louis’ hands intertwined on the tabletop and hopes that they share a moment like that when they’re older. Just two husbands sharing a plate of spaghetti and talking about the funny movie they watched together the night before.  
  
More than anything, Harry wants to grow old with Louis.  
  
“I love you, you know. In case I haven’t told you recently.” Harry’s almost positive that he looks embarrassingly in love right now, but it’s all worth it for the way Louis smiles and crinkles his eyes.  
  
“I love you too, you big sap.”  
  
The two sit in comfortable silence for a bit while they look at the menu. Something flashes out of the corner of his eye, but Harry brushes it off. It was probably just a passing car, but even if it is a pap or a fan, let them look. Harry is disgustingly in love and he should be allowed to be proud of that fact.  
  
He’s not allowed but that’s beside the point.  
  
The waitress comes over and they tell her their orders. She begins to walk away, but instead turns back around and looks timidly at the two of them.  
  
“I’m probably going to get in trouble for asking you both… but would I be able to get a picture or something? I’m a huge fan.”  
  
Annoyance settles itself in the pit of Harry’s stomach, but he puts on his usual charming smile and directs his attention to her nervous figure. “How about we take some pictures once we’re done our meal?”  
  
“Okay, yeah that sounds great. Thanks!” She frantically nods and steps back until she’s made her way into the kitchen.  
  
Conversation between Louis and Harry flow as easily as it ever does. After about 20 minutes of them sitting there, however, both of them start to notice a couple of fans gathering on the sidewalk outside of the restaurant.  
  
“Can’t they just let us be for one fucking night,” Louis mumbles to Harry under his breath.  
  
“Just ignore them, Lou. We’ll deal with them when we leave.”  
  
Louis makes a point of looking away from the window but Harry can still see the tense unease in his shoulders. It’s not surprising when, only 10 minutes later, the two are told they have to cut their date short because a large amount of fans have gathered outside and they only have one bodyguard with them.  
  
“I’m really sorry,” Louis’ bodyguard, Alberto, says with genuine sadness, “I know you two barely ever get to go out. We’ll figure something else out I promise.”  
  
The two shuffle out into the crowds and then into the black van waiting for them. They never let go of each other’s hands, hanging on to the last minutes they have together of what was supposed to be a romantic date.  
  
Back at the hotel, they both slump up to their room.  
  
“We’ll go out another time. I promise. Just think of it as an I.O.U.” Harry says, trying to lighten the mood.  
  
It works a bit – Louis’ smile lifts up his cheeks in tentative happiness. Both are still disappointed though, so they put on a movie and settle into bed for the night.  
  
In the morning, Harry wakes up to an email from none other than dear old Harry Magee:

_Mr. Styles,_

I’m sure you’re familiar with your contract but in case you’ve forgotten, you were specifically told not to flaunt your relationship with Mr. Tomlinson. Now, I’m sure it was an accidental incident, but don’t let it happen again. We have a lot to deal with here at the office and we don’t need damage control over your relationship to be another thing on the list of things to do.

I’ll have my assistant email you some events you’ll need to attend in order to move the focus away from the both of you and more onto your image.

Please make sure you use discretion next time.  
Harry Magee

***  
Tour is about halfway through and all of the boys are missing home a bit. Harry has no idea what city they’re in right now but Louis had wanted to walk around with Liam and explore a bit so he’s been alone most of the day at the hotel. Not wanting to be alone, Harry had decided to Skype some family members he hadn’t spoken to in a while.  
  
He’s just finishing up Skyping with his mom when Louis walks into their hotel room. Closing the laptop and setting it aside, Harry crawls into their bed and waits for Louis to finish changing.  
  
“Have a good day out, babe?” Harry asks as Louis crawls onto the bed and shimmies under the covers.  
  
“Yeah it was fun. We walked around a bit and did some shopping. Missed you though.” Nuzzling into Harry’s side, Louis presses a kiss into the crook of Harry’s neck and lets out a sigh.  
  
“Missed you too. Never see you anymore it seems.” Harry pouts and wraps Louis up in his arms, relaxing in the familiar warmth of his boy.  
  
“You see me all the time baby, we’re kind of in the same band together.” The two of them are so intertwined that neither can tell where their own body begins and the other ends. It was the first time in a while that they have been able to cuddle like this – usually both were so tired after a long day that they fell asleep as soon as they hit the starchy sheets of their hotel room or their small bunks on the tour bus.  
  
“Not the same,” Harry mumbles. He turns himself toward Louis so he can place a small kiss just below his ear, on the bottom of his jaw, at the corner of his mouth, and finally a small peck on his lips.  
  
Harry begins to move away to settle into bed but Louis cups his jaw and pulls him close again, “No, stay close.”  
  
The two stay quiet for a while, only moving to run their nails or their fingers over the other’s back or arms. Louis is just about to fall asleep when he feels Harry’s hand dip below the band of the briefs he wore to bed.  
  
“And what do you think you’re doing?” Louis asks, moving his head back from Harry a little and raising his eyebrow.  
  
“I am just giving your body the attention it deserves,” Harry says, moving his hand further down and giving Louis’ bum a cheeky pinch.  
  
“As much as I love having you give my body attention, not tonight babe. I’m completely knackered from today and I just kind of want to cuddle and sleep.” Harrys cheeky grin falls a bit but he moves his hand so it rests on Louis’ lower back and he rubs little calming circles there until Louis is fast asleep.

 **May 2016**  
“So you’ve all wanted out at one point?” She asks, clearly looking for a specific answer.  
  
“Of course, I mean like. People have stalked us outside of our house, we get harassed just going to the shops, you know, things like that. It’s only ever a fleeting thought. We’d never act on it, I don’t think. The most important part is that we focus on the fact that music is our passion.” Louis pipes up.  
  
“Yeah as long as we keep making the fans happy with what we create then I don’t think any of us will want to leave. Not for long anyway.” Harry agrees.  
  
“Well then I guess your fans can rest assured that you boys are here for the long run.”


	3. Fourth of July

_It was the fourth of July_  
_You and I were, you and I were fire, fire, fireworks_  
_That went off too soon_  
_Fourth of July - Fall Out Boy_

 **May 2016**  
“Now, Harry and Louis. I want to ask you both a couple questions if that’s all right with the other boys.” All of them nod their heads and the interviewer gives them a kind smile. “Perfect. Obviously being in a band is already tough because you’re around the same people day in and day out. But it must have been even harder since you two were in a relationship. How did your relationship change as the band got more attention and more popularity?”  
  
The two of them look at each other and Harry motions for Louis to field this question. “I mean, all relationships change the longer you’re together. So I guess not only did ours mature with age-“  
  
“Like a fine wine.” Harry interrupts.  
  
“God H that was awful. Once again, not only did ours mature, like a fine wine, but we also grew stronger together because we were both going through the same things and dealing with the same pressures. So we acted as each other’s safety net I think.”  
  
Harry nods along, suppressing the grimace he wants to let loose.

 **February 2013**  
“For fucks sake Harry I’m asking you to walk around Sydney with me, not have public sex in the middle of the street!” Louis yells. Tour just started for their newest album and this was the first time they had ever visited Australia.  
  
“You know as much as I do that we’re not allowed to flaunt our relationship, Louis. Why don’t we just get room service again or something?” Harry huffs out.  
  
“So spending time together now is flaunting our relationship? What the fuck Harry we haven’t gone out together in _months_. I honestly can’t remember the last time I fucking held your hand!” Louis throws his hands in the air and starts pacing around the room.  
  
The lead-up to the tour had been stressful. Both of the boys remembered how much pressure the last tour had put on their relationship and it felt like the heavy weight on their shoulders kept getting heavier the closer the date got.  
  
“It’s almost like-“ Louis begins and takes a deep breath, “It’s almost like we aren’t even dating anymore.”  
  
Harry’s head snaps up from staring at the floor to looking directly at Louis, his eyes wide and a little terrified, “Don’t say that.”  
  
“I’m just saying we barely ever act like a couple anymore. We’re just band mates. Just some lads doing lad things,” now that he’s started, the dams that have been holding all of this in for the past couple months break and let every feeling, every worry, come flooding out, “I’m not saying I want to break up – far from that. I just think we need to… work together to fix this. Because I’m tired, Harry.”  
  
“I’m tired too, Louis… This isn’t just you who’s having a rough go of things. Like, we barely get any breaks and I’m sorry for just wanting to chill out in our hotel rooms.” Harry goes over to the little kitchen in the hotel room and starts the kettle to make a tea.  
  
He’s not particularly lying – they never get breaks and days spent in the hotel just hanging about are a blessing – but the issue that’s truly poking at the back of Harry’s mind is getting another email from their management. It’s not like they’ll really do anything but it’s just so tiresome to constantly hear how he can’t be around his boyfriend. He hates going out and having to worry about whether he’s being too fond that the cameras will catch it but also not fond enough that it’ll hurt Louis’ feelings.  
  
It’s all so confusing and tiring and annoying that Harry really just wants to sleep for days on end.  
  
“So what you’re saying is you’re too tired to work on us?” Louis crosses his arms across his chest and a little bit of red splotches across his cheeks.  
  
“No that’s not what I’m saying at all, stop twisting my words.” Rolling his eyes, Harry reaches into the cupboard to grab a mug for his tea.  
  
“I’m sure. I’m going out then, with whoever actually wants to spend time with me. I guess I’ll see you tonight.”  
  
With that, Louis grabs his sweater and walks out the door. 

**June 2013**  
All five boys rush off the stage and quickly undress in their dressing room, trying to make it to their busses before the fans crowd around the exit. They need to leave immediately so they can head to the next city… wherever that is.  
  
“Lads. Lads lads lads. Can you believe how incredible that was?” Niall is absolutely bouncing while trying to take off his shirt.  
  
“That was a nice spin you pulled near the end there,” Liam laughs and turns to look at Niall, “You almost fell flat on your arse.”  
  
“Wouldn’t have been the first time,” Harry chimes in.  
  
“Probably won’t be the last,” Zayn finishes for him.  
  
“You’re all just jealous that I’m out there having more fun than all of you combined.” Niall huffs and they all start making their way through the many halls and doors to their tour bus.  
  
“I don’t think that’s true, Nialler. Harry was dancing quite provocatively on that mic stand. I’m pretty sure a couple of the ladies in the front row almost fainted.” Zayn slings his arm across Harry’s shoulders just to show he was teasing.  
  
Harry shrugs good-naturedly and they push through the doors at the end of the hall and jog to their tour bus. It’s being kept in an underground parking lot underneath the venue at the moment so the issue isn’t getting on the bus, it’s getting the bus out on the street.  
  
“You guys were pretty quick today so we should be able to make it past most of the fans waiting outside,” the bus driver says as they file onto the bus.  
  
Taking a deep breath of the familiar bus he’s begun to call home, Harry feels his adrenaline start to subside and turn into something a bit more manageable. This tour they’re on is not only bigger in ticket sales, but also bigger with the amount of cities they’re visiting.  
  
Before, they were able to spend more time in hotels and party it up a bit, but now they are constantly on the road and constantly moving. Even if they had an area where they would be able to drink and party, Harry doesn’t think they would really do much of it. They’re all tired and all prefer to sit around and watch TV or Skype their families.  
  
The five of them sit around in the little sitting area for a while before they all drift off to their own devices. Niall and Liam start playing their newest X-Box game and Zayn is in the kitchen area talking to his sister.  
  
“Kinda knackered to be honest,” Louis yawns and leans his head on Harry’s shoulder.  
  
“Me too. Wanna go to bed?” The two breathe together for a couple of moments before Louis nods and they shuffle their way to the bunk area. Each bunk is quite small but Louis and Harry are used to sleeping all over each other anyway so it isn’t much of a problem.  
  
The two of them strip down to their underwear and crawl in under the covers. Once Louis has found a position he’s comfortable in, his back nestled into Harry’s front, he closes the curtains and hides the two of them away from the others.  
  
Nuzzling his face in Louis’ neck, Harry lets out a content sigh and presses a small kiss to the tacky skin there.  
  
“Not tonight, babe.” Louis whispers, wiggling himself so he’s a bit further away from Harry in the small space.  
  
“I wasn’t even trying anything? I’m literally just cuddling with you.” Harry can’t help the hurt and annoyance that floods his voice. It seems like he can’t get anywhere near Louis without being told ‘not tonight’ or ‘I’m not in the mood’. He just wants to cuddle with his boyfriend, is that too much to ask?  
  
“I’m just letting you know before you got the idea in your head.”  
  
“Well thanks, but don’t worry I already know how tired you are of sleeping with me from the amount of times you tell me.” Harry’s whole body is tense now, waiting for the fight he knows is going to come.  
  
“Jesus Christ Harry, you just never know when to let things go.” Louis says, sitting up and slipping out of the bunk and climbing into his own, shutting the curtains behind him.

 **August 2013**  
“I don’t think we should put Novacaine on the track list. It’s a great song but I just think it’ll be drowned out among the others we have.” They have been working on their new album Save Rock and Roll for a couple months now and none of them can seem to come with a decision on the final track list.  
  
“I don’t get why we can’t just put it on there, Harry, it’s a great song!” Louis all but yells, annoyance clear in every part of his body.  
  
“Why don’t we do a vote on it then. All in favour of keeping it on the list raise your hand,” Louis and Zayn raise their hands, “Those in favour of moving it to our next album raise your hands,” Liam, Niall, and Harry raise their hands.  
  
“Well I guess it’s fucking settled then isn’t it.” Louis grabs his jacket and storms out of the room of their recording studio. All of them watch him leave with tired eyes and then turn their focus on Harry.  
  
“Aren’t you going to go and make sure he’s okay?” Niall asks.  
  
“He’s a big boy, he can deal with his temper tantrums all on his own.” Harry runs a frustrated hand through his hair and begins to pack up his own things.  
“What’s gotten up with you two anyway?” Liam places a tentative hand on Harry’s shoulder but he shrugs it off.  
  
“Nothing, we’re fine.” With that, Harry stalks out of the room after Louis.  
***  
  
Back at the house they share together Harry walks in to find Louis smoking outside on their back porch.  
  
“What the fuck was that back there?” Harry asks, leaning against the door.  
  
“Why couldn’t you have just backed me up for once? That’s a great song and it deserves to be on this album.” Louis looks the angriest Harry has ever seen him.  
  
“I wasn’t trying to attack you, alright? What’s the problem with just putting it on the next album? Calm down, for fucks sake.”  
  
“Because I’m not fucking sure if there’s going to be a next album for me!” Louis screams, cutting off any retort Harry had been ready to give.  
  
“What do you mean? Of course there’s going to be a next album.”  
  
“Oh, don’t be an idiot Harry I know you’re smarter than this. Our contract expires soon. I can’t live like this anymore. I feel like I don’t even know you. I’ve been thinking about it and I might not resign to stay in the band.”  
  
Harry fish mouths at Louis, completely not expecting this to be what’s been bothering him.  
  
“What… What do you mean, what does this mean?” Harry walks further outside and stands just in front of Louis.  
  
“Look, I just can’t do this anymore. I’m going to pack some of my stuff and I’m going to stay with my mom for the time being.” Louis is looking at the ground but Harry can see a couple tears forming at the corners of his eyes.  
  
“Are you breaking up with me?” Harry’s voice breaks at the end and he can feel his own tears threatening to spill over.  
  
“Yeah, Harry. I am. I’m honestly surprised you didn’t see this coming. Look, I’m going to go. I’ve already called my mom and everything.” Louis wipes his eyes with the back of his hand and lets out a heavy breath.  
  
Harry has absolutely no idea what to even say so he watches as Louis grabs a bag full of his stuff and walks out their front door.

 **May 2016**  
“That’s really inspiring for a lot of other couples, I think.” The interviewer smiles warmly at them again and Harry feels uncomfortable under her gaze.  
  
“I don’t think we really want to be an inspiration or anything, because like, that puts a lot of pressure on us I think… but we just want to show people, especially LGBTQA couples, that you can make things work if you put effort into it.” Louis says, placing a comforting hand on Harry’s thigh and rubbing circles into it.  
  
The interviewer moves her attention to the other boys about her thoughts on their relationship so Harry takes this chance to grab onto Louis’ hand and give it a tight squeeze.


	4. Irresistible

_And I love the way you hurt me it's irresistible_  
_I love the way_  
_I love the way you hurt me baby_  
_Irresistible - Fall Out Boy_

**May 2016**  
“If everything was more or less working out for you all, why did you decide to switch management and record labels?” The interviewer glances slightly at the clock that’s on the wall to her left. The interview is almost over, thank God, meaning they can all head out for lunch soon.  
  
“It was working, but we decided that we want full control of our band and music,” Liam smiles and shrugs at the camera, “If we want a bit of a break we want to be able to take it. If we want to take our music to a different sound than it was before, we want the authority to do that.”  
  
“Were all five of you completely on board with this new contract?” Louis slumps a bit in his seat but he doesn’t lose eye contact with the interviewer. Harry only notices because he’s been so attuned to Louis’ body for so long – he knows everything there is to know about it.  
  
“We were all on board, yeah. I mean,” Louis pauses, “We had a lot of negotiating to do to make sure we were all happy with it. But we were all fully prepared to sign a new contract.” 

**February 2014**  
~~_‘have you looked at the new contract yet?’_~~  
~~_‘are you going to sign the new contract?’_~~  
~~_‘you should sign the contract’_~~  
~~_‘please don’t leave the band’_~~  
_‘i miss you’_  
(read 8:38 pm)

 **March 2014**  
Harry and Louis haven’t spoken to each other in what Harry thinks feels like years. All five of the boys are meeting up today at their new management’s office to talk about the specifics, to sign the contracts, and to see who’s staying in the band and who’s leaving to live a life out of the spotlight.  
  
The air is crisp outside but the sun is shining which is surprising for March in London. Harry wants to look at it as a good sign for the rest of the day, but he’s stopped paying attention to life’s signs a while ago. For all he knows it could be a nice day out because the rest of the day is going to absolutely shit on him and the universe feels a bit bad about it.  
  
Maybe he’s just looking too far into it.  
  
The drive to the office building isn’t too far away from where Harry lives. He would like to thank all Gods that made the management company send their own representative to London instead of flying them all out to LA. Harry really needed the break they had been given and being in London just makes everything hurt a bit less.  
  
Which is surprising considering there are still traces of Louis scattered all across the flat he lives in. Just this morning Harry found one of Louis’ many band t-shirts under their bed.  
  
No matter. In about 10 minutes he was going to see all four of his boys and they were going to work shit out. Harry would not stand for any of them leaving the band. They have been in this for four years and they still have so much to conquer. They still have so much to experience. They absolutely cannot do it without one of them.  
***  
  
All five boys walk out of the office with tentative smiles on their faces. They all decided they wanted to stay in the band. Louis wasn’t leaving.  
  
Speaking of, although they hadn’t spoken to each other at the meeting, Louis had given Harry a small smile when he first walked into the office. It wasn’t much and Harry isn’t expecting there to be much more, but it felt so great to see Louis again.  
  
Louis doesn’t hate him. He wouldn’t continue in a band with someone he hated. At least Harry didn’t think he would.  
  
“H?” Harry spins around when he feels a tug on his shirtsleeve and sees Louis standing there. He looks nervous – he’s a bit paler than Harry’s used to and the dark circles under his eyes from touring and no sleep have gotten a bit darker. “Any chance we could have lunch together? Talk for a bit?”  
  
The other boys have continued walking down the sidewalk toward their cars, completely oblivious to the momentous event happening right behind them. “Yes, absolutely, please.”  
  
Louis nods and moves to walk around Harry and catch up with the other boys when Harry stops him with a hand on his shoulder. “Thanks for signing the contract.”  
  
“I didn’t do it for you,” Louis says, looking up at Harry.  
  
“I know that. I’m just happy, is all.” Harry shrugs and lets Louis go.  
  
Half an hour later and Louis and Harry are walking into their house together. It’s the first time Louis’ been back since they broke up at the end of the last tour.  
“You haven’t changed the house much,” Louis comments, walking through the hall toward the living room.  
  
“It’s not just my house to change. It’s yours too.” Harry says, standing at the edge of the living room hesitant to join Louis.  
  
Louis’ face softens at that and he pats the cushion next to him, “Come sit. I wanna talk.”  
  
Harry sits next to him and it takes all of his strength to not reach over and run the backs of his knuckles across the sharp lines of his cheeks or the rough stubble of his chin. He just wants to feel everything.  
  
“I never wanted to leave, you know. It was just too much.” Louis begins, twisting his hands in his lap, “I never wanted to leave you.”  
  
“I know.” The reply is barely above a whisper but Harry knows Louis’ heard.  
  
“I think this new contract could really work for us. You know, if you still wanted to give us a shot.”  
  
The breath feels like it’s been completely knocked out of Harry’s chest. There are so many things that he wants to answer to that but he can’t choose just one. So, leaning forward and grabbing Louis’ chin in his hand, Harry places a gentle kiss square on Louis’ mouth.  
  
It’s the most complete he’s felt in months.  
  
“More.” Louis grabs the back of Harry’s neck and presses in for more.  
  
Harry wraps himself around Louis’ body filling in the empty spaces with pieces of him he’s missed over the past months. His soft hair is between Harry’s greedy fingers, his thin lips between Harry’s clumsy ones.  
  
Neither of them knows where one begins and the other ends. Warm hands are running themselves across Harry’s chest and it’s only then that he realizes that their shirts have been thrown to the floor. Pushing himself onto his knees, Harry moves their bodies so that they’re lying on the couch.  
  
“I’ve missed you. I need you.” Louis pants in between bruising kisses.  
  
“Anything you want. I want to give you anything you want.” Harry leans their foreheads together and they sit there breathing into each other’s space for a couple moments to let their minds catch up with their bodies.  
  
“I want everything.” It’s whispered so low that it can barely be heard above their heavy breathing but it feels like it’s been yelled straight into Harry’s ears. His skin is thrumming with need and want. They’ve barely even done anything and Harry’s almost completely positive that he’s never been this turned on in his life.  
  
Removing both of their jeans with gentle hands, Harry places kiss after kiss to all of the spots that he’s missed the most; right below the belly button, on each hipbone, on the inside of his thigh, and even on Louis’ ankles.  
  
Harry worships Louis’ body like he never has before and even when he’s three fingers deep he can’t stop placing little kisses on Louis’ eyelids and collarbones – just to show him how much he loves him.  
  
Pushing into Louis again is like nothing he’s ever experienced. With their bodies so closely intertwined and their heartbeats hammering in their chests and into the other’s body, Harry has never felt so loved.  
  
It’s a shame but not completely unexpected when it’s over almost before it could begin. Louis’ whimpers and moans only turned Harry on more and soon enough they are both coming with each other’s names on their lips.  
  
They curl up against each other, completely ignoring how gross they are, for what seems like hours. All of the pent up stress and emotion Harry had been carrying around with him since they broke up is finally leaving him and he’s left feeling like a new person. He knows they have a lot to talk about, he knows they aren’t completely healed… but he also knows that they are going to fight for what they have no matter what.  
  
After all, that’s really all that matters.

 **May 2016**  
“It’s always incredible to hear straight from the bands what they went to from the start of their careers to where they are now. Thank you guys so much for giving me, and your fans, the time to get to know you all better.” They all smile at the interviewer and give their own thanks back.  
  
“I hate to say it though, but this is where we have to end our lovely chat. To those watching at home, don’t forget to buy the boys’ new album on iTunes and support them for whatever they bring you next. Bye!”  
  
The camera’s blinking red lights all turn off, signaling the end of the interview and all five of the boys take a collective breath of relief.  
  
“Thanks for allowing us to tell our story, we had a great time.” Harry says as he’s saying goodbye to the interviewer and the crew.  
  
“Not a problem, thanks for being so honest and open.”  
  
A lot has changed since Harry became a celebrity. He has had his own share of love, heartbreak, and success. He’s learned a lot along the way but one thing he’s learned that will never change is that these four other boys have his back in the same way that he has theirs.  
  
“Of course,” Liam says and grabs Harry’s shoulders and leads him out of the room, sharing a secret smile before he moves to go walk down the hall toward lunch.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me at harryspeachbum on tumblr if you want :) thanks for reading!


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